Last Thanksgiving Patriotsy2k thought he was about to end the Godfather's dynasty in the sport of Speed Yard Drinking. With just a few sips to go, Patsy2k might have gotten a little too confident as the Godfather made a last second comeback. The night ended with a teary eyed Patsy2k vowing for revenge.
Off he went to Florida to train, promising victory and hinting about a secret weapon.
And on the same night that Mike Tyson promised a triumphant return, Patsy2k boldly walked into the bar with his secret weapon, younger brother (Patriotsy3k). The Godfather was modest, saying he didn't think he was up for a battle and claiming he just wanted to enjoy his drink.
The drinks were brought to the table and the starter's pistol had been shot. Patsy2k and his brother got off to a quick aggressive start -- Patriotsy2k looked rejuvenated like he was back in his fraternity guzzling Natty Lite. Patsy3k was impressive too, being the Annakin to Patsy2k's Ben Kenobi.
As Pats2&3k were chugging along, the Godfather had not taken one sip! Was he intimidated by the secret weapon? Was he tanking the match because he bet against himself in Vegas? Considering retiring? Or was the veteran playing mind games with his competition?
Actually he was talking to me about the Jets. After discussing whether or not the Jets would miss Santana Moss, he took his first sip. He then continued his discussion about the Jets as he took a few more leisurely gulps. The crowd was enthralled by the Patsbrothers battle and ignoring the Godfather, who they already dismissed as a champ who declined too quickly.
Patsy2k was starting to think about his victory speech as he could see his brother fading (and spilling about 20 ounces on his shirt). The crowd was awed by the quick pace of Patriotsy2k and ignored the Godfather as he kept on talking about the Jets.
Then I learned why the Godfather is called the champ. After telling me that the Richard Seymour holdout is the beginning of the end for the Patriots, he asked me if he should tell his competitors about his quiet progress. The Godfather was almost done with his drink!
While Patriotsy2k was racing through his beer like an excited poodle, the Godfather was a graceful cheetah, whose long relaxed strides easily sped by the poor little rapid strides of Poodley2k. As the Godfather took his last few swigs the crowd noticed his accomplishment as he finished off the drink -- Patsy2k still with a quarter to go and poor Patsy3k not knowing whether to drink or wear his beer.
At first, Patriotsy2k in disbelief looked for signs of foul play. Surely there was a drain near the Godfather's drink. Then, Patriotsy2k became graceful in defeat, admitting that the better team won. Just as there was no shame in losing to the 86 Celtics, there is no shame to losing to the Godfather.
The Godfather continued to be a modest champ and Patriotsy2k continued to be a worthy competitor. He talked of how he will overcome the Godfather as the Red Sox eventually overcame the Yankees. He also asked me to wait a week before posting this story so he would have time to come up with a good excuse for losing.